Blue Marks

When I was in kindergarten, my mom, at the ripe young age of 39, was diagnosed with breast cancer. I don’t think I really understood what was going on through most of it but I vividly remember after her lumpectomy she had blue sharpie marks all over her arms & upper body. For whatever reason, those blue marks really, really terrified me. That’s why when I had the same blue marks put on me a few weeks ago, I kinda lost my sh*t.
It’s been about a month or a little more now but honestly it’s taken me that long to process the whole thing. Today I had a surgery to remove a lump in my left breast. While all of the doctors are sure it’s not cancer, it’s still very scary. The odds that this tumor is cancerous are slim, but because of my mom & her history, the doctors wanted to take extra precaution which is why they found it best to just remove the tumor altogether. I haven’t really wanted to tell a bunch of people or post about it on social media until now because this surgery wasn’t really that big of a deal (I was in & out of the surgery center in a matter of hours & am now writing this post from the comfort of my bed with a Harry Potter movie playing in the background). 

I’ve felt a lot of things over the past month or so while going through all of this. I’ve been thinking a lot about my mom & how she must have felt when she went through all of this. I’ve also been thinking about & praying for a friend of mine who is only a few years older than I am & was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. 

I’ve experienced a lot of different emotions. Fear, sadness, denial, anger, anxiety. If I can feel all of this even when the doctors have expressed how sure they are that its benign, I can’t begin to understand how other people handle this when their results haven’t been so positive. I began to really realize how strong people like my mom & my friend are for taking their situations & handling them with such bravery & wisdom. 

Although they are very optimistic about my case & very confident that my tumor is benign, I welcome prayers during the next 5-7 days as I heal from the surgery & very anxiously anticipate the results from the biopsy. 

All of that being said, hug your mom, your sister, your grandma, your aunts, & your friends a little tighter next time you see them, life is hard sometimes. 
Xoxo & all my love,

Sran

My awesome mom helping me get ready on my wedding day, the happiest day of my life. I’m so thankful I have my mother, a breast cancer survivor, to share this journey with.

Photography credit: Kate Anthony Photography. Check her out here!  

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~ by thebrainfunkphenomena on December 28, 2015.

One Response to “Blue Marks”

  1. Just so freaking beautiful.

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